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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My spouse has always been a work addict and flakey in the house and with the kids. Nothing has helped and he lashes out if any concern or question is expressed by me or the kids.

But this last weekend was at a fever pitch rate of dumb stuff. I don’t know what to do. This is unsustainable and perhaps he’s doing this on purpose?

What the “solution”, he asks, as he tells me not to get mad or hurt, that nothing is ever his fault, that I am the bad guy who shouldn’t bring this up, nothing matters.

What’s the solution to him:
never making the bed;
not turning the gas stove off, 
leaving his huge shoes in the kitchen walkway, avoiding all parenting/ disciplining of the children, 
not washing or stacking greasy dishes properly, 
lying about collecting all hampers for laundry, 
leaving food & grease & debris all over the kitchen & table, 
never reading his emails/texts from the school or coaches or doctor or kid activities, 
not putting his wife’s legal name on a flight booking, and 
never identifying needs or taking care of your house & property?

And this was only the last 48 hours! 
What the solution to this??!??

I am bogged down with the middle schoolers, spring break packing, my job, sports tryouts, summer camp & plans. And the day to day (games, parties, shopping, homework help, seasonal stuff), which he also neglects. And if he is asked to do some weekend task, or suddenly has a surge to do a chore finally, the above happens!

What’s the ”solution” for this?

And that’s not even the non-basic stuff — the planning, guidance, reliability, and emotional support everyone expects from an adult with kids.

Yes we have a nanny/housekeeper after school. [/quote]

If you want to stay married (not sure why you would), then you can take on the things that mean the most to you, hire out some more, and discard the rest. As to your specific problems:

never making the bed; - this is a personal choice, either you make it or don't, or one of you can sleep in the guest room or on the couch?
not turning the gas stove off, - don't have him cook or make sure your insurance is paid up and you have a fire-proof safe
leaving his huge shoes in the kitchen walkway, - throw them away if he does it, or choose to move them for everyone's sake
avoiding all parenting/ disciplining of the children, - you do this so that you don't fail your kids
not washing or stacking greasy dishes properly, - if they're not clean, run them again, but this, like the bed making, is the least of your problems and you ought to let it go
lying about collecting all hampers for laundry, - either do your own laundry and teach your kids how to do theirs if they're old enough or have a service pick up and deliver your laundry
leaving food & grease & debris all over the kitchen & table, - you clean it or you live with it dirty
never reading his emails/texts from the school or coaches or doctor or kid activities, - you read them and do the necessary things and the rest you let slide
not putting his wife’s legal name on a flight booking, and - you book the tickets
never identifying needs or taking care of your house & property? - hire this out or do it yourself

I'm not sure exactly what you're looking for. If he overnight turned into a slacker, then maybe there's a brain tumor at play. If not, this is who he is and somehow you're more annoyed about it now than you were before. In that case, know that he won't change and find ways to deal with it.

You could also try talking to him about it...[/quote]

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