Reply to How much does an elderly parent realize their words are hurtful?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My generally pleasant parent tells me about his friend whose kids do this or that for them, something that sounds unrealistic, like “she knows all the drs at X hospital and rushed her mom there to save her life when she had a mini stroke and these drs and everyone took such good care of her”. Or how this daughter is super high achieving and “never worked as a line worker, always as a manager” which is laughable but he believes it. 
If he hears about my kid having trouble getting up in the morning, he says something like “my other grandkid doesn’t have this problem, maybe it’s because his father makes sure he gets enough sleep”. He has no data point on how much sleep my kid gets. 
I am confused because I always thought of my dad as a nice guy. Now I am hearing all these remarks and I can’t tell if he is just clueless or if he is indeed passive aggressive and judgmental. 
I did tell him nicely that his friend was probably exaggerating and it’s not a good look to compare any two grandkids, but I want to know if he genuinely didn’t realize what he was as doing. [/quote]

If you found these statements “hurtful,” you have lived a very cushioned life.  [/quote]

I’ve thought about it and I think what hurts is that the statements are made by someone considered nice and who I thought liked me! [/quote]

I like my daughter but she gives my grandkids way too much sugar and too many ultra processed snacks.  I think that I would be a bit more artful in making a comment, but if I mentioned it, I wouldn't expect her to think that a) I wasn't a nice person and b) didn't like her.  People have different opinions.  A father and daughter should be able to discuss with "hurt."

Re: the neighbors... he is either trying to hint that he needs more help from you or he just admires these people and is effusive about it, and you are reading it as criticism.  So many people in this Forum just hate old people, so they leap to "mean."
[/quote]

*without "hurt"[/quote]

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