Reply to Almost 13yo son– violent over video games, refusing meds. What now?

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Reply to "Almost 13yo son– violent over video games, refusing meds. What now?"

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[quote=Anonymous]Gosh, people on this thread are beyond unhelpful in what is obviously a very difficult situation. I'm sorry, OP.

My parents divorced and I have a stepdad, and my brother and I were never violent. Everyone on this thread should stop assuming that the issue here is the divorce or the boyfriend. We don't know WHAT the issue is here, but most kids with divorced parents and mom with a boyfriend are not violent to the point that they've destroyed multiple TVs and mom is scared for her and her other child's safety. Come on!

So - OP, what is his diagnosis? You might want to start a separate, parallel thread on the Special Needs board about the diagnosis, refusal to take meds, and violence, to get some advice that isn't just "go back in time and have a successful marriage."

I think you need to find an excellent family therapist who can talk you through this - will he participate in therapy? If so, great. But at a minimum, you need an expert to guide you on how to parent a kid with this issue (whatever it is) and a tendency towards violence. Like the advice to call the police - I have no idea if that's a good idea or not, but a therapist in your area should know.

The other big problem is that you and your ex are not coparenting well together, at all. Is there any hope of bridging that gap? What's the source of the animosity (anger from the divorce, disagreements about parenting, money, the boyfriend, etc)? Is there ANY route to getting him into coparenting sessions? Is there something that you want that you could give him to get him into coparenting? Or something that he wants that you could give him to get him on board with taking away the video games (or making the son take his meds and participate in therapy to earn video game time)? For example, if he is mad about the child support/custody situation, could you "give in" in some way in exchange for his cooperation? If this refusal to play ball is related to your new boyfriend, would he go to co-parenting if you broke up with the boyfriend? Of course, you shouldn't have to do any of those things, but for me, everything would be on the table to get this kid back on track. I'm assuming your ex is allowing your kid unlimited video games/internet time, which is doing a ton of harm at this stage. Would your ex give up custody for a year in exchange for alimony? If your son just lives with you, he'd have no source of getting new video game consoles or TVs and you could deal with the violence as he went cold turkey, but then hopefully things would even out? I'm just spitballing here, and I'm not a professional - you need to figure this out with a psychologist or social worker.

Can you talk to his school? Do they have any advice?

You're in for an uphill battle with this kid, as you can see, and it's only going to get harder as he gets bigger, stronger, and older if something doesn't change, so time is not on your side - you need to act quickly. Best of luck to you. [/quote]

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