Reply to Reasonable to Ask 19YO to Cover Childcare for 5 Days?

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Reply to "Reasonable to Ask 19YO to Cover Childcare for 5 Days?"

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[quote=Anonymous]It is a lot to ask, but not completely unreasonable in my opinion.

To me a lot would depend on how much experience the 19 year old has looking after the other kids, and how this situation is presented to her.

Because of a really messed up family situation, by age 15 I was the main caregiver to my four year old brother & infant twin sisters, pretty much most of the time. My mother was incapacitated by postpartum mental challenges that she wouldn't or couldn't get help for & my father, when not at work, preferred either beer or the company of one of his female coworkers to spending much time at home, and when he was home he was angry and violent (and drunk). For a variety of reasons, I ended up with legal guardianship of 4 year old twins and an 8 year old boy by age 19. My opinion of what teenagers can handle if needed is therefore somewhat higher than many posters on this forum, and I believe that in general elder siblings should step up when the family unit needs them. That said, it really depends on whether this would be a new experience out of the blue for everyone, or whether several of the older kids have already been building the skills and habits necessary for this to run smoothly.

If raised with high levels of responsibility and independence, the 15 and 13 year olds will likely not need a ton of actual caregiving - guidance, supervision, and someone who can drive as needed would suffice - and could potentially assist, if carefully instructed, with taking care of the younger three. If not accustomed to being fairly self-sufficient, however, the kids all may be rather wild and a lot to handle.

How much caregiving experience does the 19 year old have for all or most of the kids at once?  How does she feel about this plan and what can you do to address any concerns in advance? How do they all get along? Are the little ones fairly accustomed to the elder siblings as caregivers they actually have to listen to?

The one thing I will strongly advise is that if you are going to do this you NEED to have whatever legal paperwork will suffice in your state of residence granting the 19 year old temporary authority to care for the minors and if needed to consent to medical procedures for the minors. There are forms. Some jurisdictions require notarized forms. Get sufficient legal advice to have this in place since you are traveling and could be hard to get ahold of in an urgent situation. All hospitals will stabilize a life-threatening emergency, but if it is something less serious yet still necessary (stitches, broken bone, concussion, etc) this will save everyone a big headache. It may not be needed, but if it is needed and is not in place the situation will become a large mess.  Make sure she knows everyone's medical info, doctor contact info as needed, & has copies of health insurance cards. Ensure, if traveling abroad especially by air, that both parents have their wills in order. Yes, this is morbid. Also, yes, the court system would not be fun to navigate as a grieving 19 year old eldest sibling if things are not carefully laid out.[/quote]

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