Reply to What to Do with an Unsafe Dad?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here - to clarify he has a demanding job and has been able to perform well and receive good feedback. He has been in school for most of our relationship. But now has a good job since the past 3 years. I have already stepped down in position and intensity from my career which I really don’t want to let go(but I see the point of being a SAHM in this case). He has always been “easygoing” but I just never imagined that he would be so nonchalant with our children.

The only things I have ever seen him accomplish with care and urgency are his schoolwork and his job. he justifies his behavior on safety by believing that I am making a big deal out of nothing, that accidents happen and things will get better.

The things I mentioned are the life threatening things. In general though he refuses to accept the importance of safety hygiene and his role as a parent in these key areas for the kids. For example, he thinks it’s okay to let our son continue sleeping in his bed after he wets it. He also doesn’t wash the kids properly and puts up more of a fight about bath time than the kids do. I know he loves his kids and his family. He is with them playing reading books building things etc all the time. We are a really close family otherwise and spend most of our time together.

Any specific advice on parenting classes, safety classes or anything else I would appreciate it. For example tonight the bath thing he just thinks I’m making a big deal out of nothing. I feel like a crazy person here.  
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Is there someone outside the family that he respects and would give him a wake-up call? Pediatrician, pastor, uncle, or fellow dad? You are not alone and would wager that most moms have had a few wtf moments with their husbands. The difference is that most dads are berated or scared into changing their ways and yours has not. There should be resources for single dads that he might be able to access.

Some moms get around this by hiring childcare, which also enables male helplessness and justifies it, but at least your kids are safe.

I’ll end by commenting that I didn’t consider the realities of co-parenting before marriage because I had no idea what being a parent was like. If sexual preference were a choice, in retrospect, I would have chosen to be a gay woman all day long. My friend and her wife have the most serene and harmonious parenting relationship I have ever seen. One works full time and tue other works part time and they are always on the same page and considerate of the needs of the house, the kids, and each other.

Usually mom keeps track of the pta, healthcare appointments, buying new socks, scheduling haircuts, and dad “helps out” but never bears the mental burden of keeping track of enough milk, costume day at school, signups for soccer, etc. To add “keeping your kids alive” on top of that is too much. [/quote]

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