Reply to Adult daughter overdosed - she's ok but ex-dh refuses to give me updates

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is harsh but sometimes it's easier to get clean WITHOUT parental involvement if your parents are themselves addicts or recovering addicts. [/quote]

Agree.  Also, the daughter already knows the dangers of drugs and alcohol having grown up with parents who are addicts or in recovery.[/quote]

Yes plus the op and ex husband hate each other.  She doesn’t need to be in front of two fighting addicts. It won’t help. She likely needs to get professional help, away from her parents. [/quote] I begged my ex when we separated NOT to go to war and to work it out amicably, that we are both still her parents and while we might not be right for each other we still share parenting. The divorce was his idea AND he went to scorched earth. So I'm sick of his BS. I have taken the high road for a very long time. Every time I think he has no bottom he finds another one. I asked that we maintain some family traditions around the holidays and be civil towards each other at a minimum. He is incapable. So now, yeah I'm really pissed.[/quote]

OP, I get it, but you have to move forward forging an adult relationship with your daughter, and you have to leave behind any relationship with your Ex. Why would you want preserve family traditions with your Ex? Most family traditions change after kids leave the house anyway. I'm a PP and I repeat, you need to focus on your relationship with your daughter. If you keep letting your anger with your Ex--however justified-- continue to mar your relationship with your daughter, you will be actively harming her. [/quote]
I do not discuss my ex with my kids. Of course it's hard to keep my mouth shut. Which is why I'm posting here. I know better than to try to put kids, even adult kids, in the middle of a situation. I never thought they needed to pick a side and see one of us as good and just and the other as horrible. To me, this relationship needed to end. I'm grateful to him for being the one to pull the plug. But I do need to process the $hit he does. Me to my dd yesterday: "You're Dad's there? Ok please keep me posted and let me know how you're doing." I have worked overtime to NOT let my kids know what I actually think about him. This is just another outlet for me. I'm ok with how I am managing the divorce in relation to my kids. They do not need to know the ins and outs. He tells them everything from his perspective. I don't believe they need to hear mine. But, again, I AM really f$%ing pissed he couldn't even man up when one of our kids faced a crisis. And, again, don't be like that in a divorce. I do hope some day this all bites him in the ass. But that is up to the universe. In the meantime, I'm trying to help my kid.[/quote]

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