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[quote=Anonymous]

With the added information, this really seems like a tempest in a teapot.

My in-laws have a similar set-up and there is no caregiving drama whatsoever. The local sibling does the face-to-face appointments and oversees the aides, and the remote sibling manages finances and since they're a doctor, keeps and eye on medical reports, changes in prescriptions, new symptoms, etc.

The only reason everyone is in a tizzy here is that the protagonists involved are highly dramatic and operate on a hair trigger.

You'll never change your mother and sister, OP, but you can change yourself and how you react to things. Do not panic and rush to fix things when your mother complains. Do not let either get to you with their irrational accusations of you. They're totally out of line. 
I wouldn't contact your mother at all. What's the point??? You can contact your sister more often, and make her feel heard and supported. Does she like spas? Would she have time for something like that? Give her self-care stuff FOR HERSELF, since she's made clear that any help you offer regarding your mother will get you pilloried.
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