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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, what does your sister say about you arranging and managing aides? Does she find that helpful? It’s hard for to me imagine as the local kid, because when I am juggling life, several children, elders, I need to be in control of the schedule. If that is truly working for you and your sister, great. If she isn’t expressing that it’s working I would ask.

Sister has to be the eyes on the aides and services. It’s a different kind of caretaking but it’s still a lot, and although you seem to be the main target, I’m guessing sister catches some ire too.

I think all you can do is try to improve communication with your sister and maybe seek some therapy for yourself. It’s a painful spot that you are navigating and some support might bring you some peace and clarity. Finally, if mom can afford 24/7 aides she can probably afford a care manager. Maybe sister would be open to that, which would actually remove significant time and mental load. [/quote]

Under normal situations, my sister stops in a couple times a week to bring in the mail, grab the bills that need to be paid and check on my Mom. Today she is taking Mom to an appointment for some tests.

She wants me to manage the aides so she doesn't have to. As long as we have the schedule fully covered - which we have been able to do - my sister is happy with it. We have a 12-hour daytime shift person and a 12-hour overnight person daily. This schedule has been going on for several months as we had to increase the hours of the aides last year as my Mom's needs changed.

Yes - my sister definitely catches it from Mom on the regular. My Mom is difficult with everyone. However my Mom also is very aware she needs my sister and holds back more because she doesn't want her to stop being there for her. I'm fair game.

I do have therapy for myself.

I can ask my sister about a care manager. I know she's cautious about conserving Mom's money for her care.[/quote]
I really feel for you and your sister, OP. I hope you can find a way to a less stressful place for both of you. [/quote]

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