Reply to The parent getting sick and dying phase is stressful on friendship

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm 52 and in the thick of the phase of friends' parents getting old and dying. 
I've been through it with one of mine. 
The hardest part for me (totally selfish) is that when friends go through the 3-12 months of losing a parent to illness and death is that they disappear. 
I find that not all people do this but a good number do. They are super stressed and can barely keep up with the sick parent, job, spouse etc. 
Their bandwidth for friendship falls to the wayside. 
I get it as i went through this too.  But it is hard on friendship at this age. I keep losing friends for 3-12 months as they disappear. They cycle back but it is a lonely and weird time to be a friend. Most of us are new(ish) empty nesters so we need friends more than ever.

Can anyone relate? Please don't tell me I'm a selfish jerk. I can say this is a hard phase without being yelled at. [b]I was the same when I went through it. [/b]
Middle age is hard. 
[/quote]

Are you saying you basically went away while your parent was dying, and now don't understand why others do it?

Whatever the case, you are only a good friend if you allow your friends to deal with their issues on their own terms. If you need them to handle their issues on your terms, then you aren't a good friend. I had a friend who did this to me. When she said something, shocking me, I explained my point of view. Which made her even angrier because she didn't like my explanation. I realized that I was a convenient friendship for her. She didn't miss me when I was dealing with my dying parent, she missed the socializing opportunities. [/quote]

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