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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have received feedback from men that I am not “fun and light.”

This is correct as I’ve had a lot of trauma over the past ten years of my life, in addition to which I’m a youngish immigrant woman living all alone in the United States with no safety net or family. It all falls on me and I even am the father figure for my extended family at home who are poor and need financial and logistical help.

[b]I’m alway[/b]s strategizing and thinking ahead and [b]stressed out[/b]. I don’t think of how to be funny or witty and I’m serious and have an intensity and depth to me.

[b]Believe me I wish I wasn’t like this![/b]

What can I do? I don’t know if I can get a personality transplant or significantly change my life circumstances but what kind of men should I date? [/quote]

PP upthread who said "therapy and don't date for a year" nailed it.

It would be one thing if you were happy and men just didn't vibe with your personality. But you're describing being unhappy with your own life/lifestyle, and that's work you need to fix for yourself before bringing someone else into it. Otherwise, the sort of person who'd like the stressed, overworked, mentally-overloaded you is probably looking to dump their problems onto you, look to you for support, and exploit your current configuration.

And yes, you can totally address all of it. You may never be 100% lighthearted and easygoing, but you can learn how to manage stressors, let go of things that aren't yours to carry, and see the joy and the humor in the things that you're up against. Please get the help you need to be happier, and don't date until you do.

You're now in a very serious, committed relationship with yourself and your own happiness. Treat it that way.[/quote]

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