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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'd say something the next time she brings it up. "Mom, can you stop saying you'll help us out? If you don't want to send any money that's fine, but stop telling us you will."

Of course we shouldn't count on others' money, but if she constantly brings it up she's basically lying to your face. And no one wants to hear that all the time. [/quote]

I don't think OP needs to be hard on her as she's 84.  She may just need OP to be more direct whenever she needs money.  Just politely but directly ask her to pay for graduate school, or whatever else OP needs money for.  If it's a large estate, she'll probably be happy to do it, but she is old, and she needs OP to take the lead. At least this is how things go with my mom - she wants to help, but she's not an initiator.  [/quote]
If that is being "hard on her" you must be very soft. Not everyone wants to beg for money that is freely offered to them, but not followed up. [/quote]

I'm not sure how the 84 yo mom, whose husband always handled the money, is supposed to "follow up" when she doesn't know he cost of the tuition or who to make the check out to. So in this example, once OP officially asked for money, she happily gave it. But the financial advisor explained that if she paid it directly to the school, it wouldn't count against the gift amount for the year. That's all incumbent on OP to tell the mom how much tuition is, find out how much mom wants to give, do the legwork of speaking to the advisor, and getting a check made out to the school.

I'm sure it's awkward to have that conversation, but it really sounds like the mom wants to do it, she doesn't need the money, and OP could technically afford it but would breathe easier with the help. It makes all the sense in the world for OP to be more proactive in accepting these gifts.

When OP said her mom often hints to the grandkids she can help, I feel like the mom is thinking "why don't they ever follow up? I guess they don't really need the money!"[/quote]

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