Reply to Is it normal not to love your elderly parent who is not abusive or mean?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My dad is 92, recently widowed, and lives alone. He asks for very little help, but I worry about him being lonely and visit him weekly. This is not a burden to me . . . it's a privilege, and it's the least I can do for someone who made sure that I wanted for nothing and always felt loved and supported.

I don't have a hard time finding ways to make these visits enjoyable. I take him out shopping or to lunch; cook him a nice meal; run errands for and with him; play board games or cards; help him organize things around the house; watch movies and shows. Sometimes all it takes is just being there so he's not alone, even if he's doing his thing and I'm reading a book or working on a knitting or needlepoint project.

I know not everyone has an easy relationship with their parents, but it sounds like your dad is nice to be around. Be thankful for that and try to find a way to see your time with him as a gift . . . because it is even if you don't realize it now.[/quote]

I wouldn't mind doing this once a week for a Dad who was kind and took care of me, but in my case, my dad has zero friends and no activities here and always wants to come along with our family. As a result, we are very limited in what we can do or else we have to leave him home. It's taking away quality family time and time withe my husband. Whenever we go on vacation we have to bring him with us, which is a huge pain as his mobility is very limited but he wants to do everything with us. I've tried getting him to go to assisted living, but he thinks they are full of old, frail people and doesn't think of himself that way. [/quote]

Have you considered a 55+ community if he is still pretty independent physically?

It is draining to be someone’s only friend and source of entertainment. He needs hobbies for his own (and your) satisfaction. [/quote]

I 100% agree except he seems perfectly happy sitting his a chair all day and tagging along with me and the rest of the family wherever we go. He doesn't want to go to assisted living and he can't do independent without and aide (which I am acting as right now). we have told our kids that we will never do this to them. We would never want to be a burden. This does not seem to bother him one bit.[b] It's ruined my relationship with him and my kids' relationship with their grandfather. They resent him now and are embarrassed by him.[/b] [/quote]

OP is this you? If this is your kids now, prepare to be in the same position, no matter how much you protest.

I would correct my kids if they were ever embarrassed by a family member because it's their thoughts that embarrass them, not someone else's actions. [/quote]

Not OP, just commiserating. Grandpa does a lot of stuff to embarrass teens. I tell them he means no harm, but I get it, I really do. I try to protect them as much as possible, but he's not mean, just always there and I'm not going to kick my dad out. [/quote]

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