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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is within the range of normal teen (bad) behavior. She needs to have an appropriate consequence (like working off all the debt and holding her to it), but I really think it's bad idea to label her a criminal or pile on the shame.

For what it's worth, I definitely ordered stuff from my parents' Amazon in college and hoped they wouldn't notice. Sometimes they did, and I'd pay them back. I reject that this made me a horrible person. [/quote]

OP here. 
Thank you for this.  I grew up with a parent who shamed my sibling into depression and suicidal thinking (I was treated as the “golden child.”) 
Unfortunately, as these patterns usually go, I ended up marrying and having kids with someone that turned out to be very similar to that parent.   The child that stole gets the worst version of my now-ex.

In fact, I cannot tell my ex about the theft out of concern for my DD’s safety and mental health.  I will not take away DD’s phone for the same reason. Yes, I do realize she has now learned how to take advantage of the situation.

I do like the idea of trading out for a no-frills phone, though.  Two important questions come to mind: 
- How can I still see her location without “find my” app installed? 
- Any way she can still send me a private message if needed?  Currently, she uses Snapchat to communicate with me when with the other parent.

[/quote]

2k is a lot of money and you have a kid not afraid of breaking rules.  I’m going to go against the others and say fo not take the phone.  If the unthinkable happens, and I hope you never need this, the police can find a kid by tracking them to their phone.  That’s if they sneak out, run away, etc.

You need to change your credit card now, have a serious conversation about theft, tell her how this is a crime and make her work it off.  Keep a close watch on her.

Do not take her out of sports and postive structured activities.  She needs more of that, not less.

Hopefully this was only a young and stupid mistake and that’s it.  [/quote]

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