Reply to Getting your adult kids "off the payroll"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My kids have always worked and they know not to come to me for frivolous purchases. I have boys through. If I had a girl I would probably give her extra. Being a woman is expensive. [/quote]

OP here. There's also the equity issue. The older child is out of college, has a salary, but lives in a high cost of living area. Her rent for a small bedroom in an apartment is nearly as much as my mortgage. There is no monthly allowance from a 529 anymore. She makes it work.

The youngest is still in college. I'm taking care of her needs -- that's fine, she's still a dependent. But if I indulge in the "extras" then I feel like I need to give the older child "extras" too. Or, if the older child finds out her sister gets "extras" she might be hurt and resentful.

I guess I, too, am still trying to move past the childhood era when I tried to treat them equally.

I guess we'll see where we are in a couple of years when younger child graduates. That will be more of an apples-to-apples situation. I can just see their different financial habits and worry more about the younger one. [/quote]

I’m kind of in the same boat with kids in different stages of adulting. With my youngest, who is in college, I require her to budget what I consider a generous allowance - Probably not DCUM generous but for us generous.  But I recognize she’s learning. So I do work around with her - which ranges from forgiveness and do better to no and things in between like I’ll advance you some money but it will be tight for you for a couple of weeks. I also try to remember that I did a lot for my older kids and she deserves what I gave the others. And I try to remember that she’s not as mature and I can’t expect as much.

As for your older one, you are still majorly supporting her if youre doing her retirement contributions. She made the choice to live in a HCOL area that she can’t afford and you’re funding that for her so she’s not grown up either. It makes me think you’re
Being overly hard on the younger one. Like it’s forgivable to choose a lifestyle she can’t afford but a single bad choice about a haircut has you wanting to cut younger kid off. [/quote]

Agree![/quote]

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