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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Venting here. I got to the point of saturation. ILs always talking and behaving as if they were the center of the universe: it’s them and their cars, their house, their food, their intestines (yes, FIL brings the topic to the table or to tea time), their furniture, their lawn. 
They never ask me how I feel. They never send their condolences when my mother passed. They never asked me how I feel. Instead, they criticized the weeds popping up on the lawn surrounding the kitchen garden I created.

Now my husband is repeatedly saying how much better he feels after a visit to the urgent care (had acid reflux). He never asked me how I feel after my ER visit (I had an anaphylactic shock). When we go out for dinner/lunch, he doesn’t initiate a conversation unless I bring his key topic: money.

[/quote]

Yes they’re self centered but in a lack of empathy or communication way. So don’t count of them for that. Maybe they’re on the spectrum, and don’t know what’s socially acceptable to do or say in various moments.

Now if they were behaving selfish if and with malice that would be different. People get very hurt, money goes missing, people are mistreated deliberately, help is asked for and denied. [/quote]
Actually it does not matter the cluelessness vs malice. The effect on others is the same: bad, hurtful, destabilizing, crazy making.

Instead of accommodating dysfunction, the person with the selfish habit, upon having it identified and point out, now has a CHOICE: they either deliberately manager their symptoms or they deliberately choose not to.

Then you know it’s on purpose. They didn’t bother to get help, put systems in place to remember, nor out in any level of sustained effort. [/quote]

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