Reply to What age will you consider your kids "grown up" and no longer bail them out?

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Reply to "What age will you consider your kids "grown up" and no longer bail them out?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I do not care the circumstances, I would not bail him out. Be honest, you are paying for his college, his car, his food, the clothes on his back, and the condoms he fucks his girlfriend with, while probably not even working. The least he could do is stay away from any legal troubles. I would not bail him out. [/quote]
I respectfully believe this is short sighted. They've probably "invested" hundreds of thousands into this child already. He's at a critical point in his life and has stumbled.  If they don't provide him need now height make a bad turn from which it will be very difficult to reverse. If I were OP I'd double down. I would be there to "bail him out" for several more years and of course couple that with counseling and even closer involvement and engagement. Takes some boys til there close to 30. Some even need to really hit bottom and go to rehab etc. thankfully the tough cases in my extended family have turned out well, but OP this could be the tip of an iceberg of hell and you and husband need to remember this is you flesh and blood and with tons of love he will repay you later in spades. At least that's based on my own observation with some family. [/quote]

Sorry, but it is thinking like this that keeps men "boys" until they are 30.  Your adult child will never be responsible if you constantly take responsibility for him and his mistakes.

Personally, I would not bail the kid out...as in, I would not accept responsibility.  If he came to me in a one-time legal crisis and asked for a loan of money, one time, I would consider coming up with a plan to help him identify where he went wrong, how he was going to change to make sure he never repeated the mistake, and if I thought he took it seriously enough, I would set up a short-term repayment plan.  That might mean major sacrifices on his part, like even postponing a semester at school so that he feels an immediate and real consequence.

For the most part, the OP sounds like she's on a similar path, which is great.  I'd only be concerned that the results of my adult child's impulsivity seem to be escalating rather than the opposite with maturity.  I think her requirement for mandatory counseling is a good one.[/quote]

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