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[quote=Anonymous]Closure is an inside job.

It's hard to believe that someone who promised to love and be faithful to you forever could suddenly turn on you like that. Even if he demonstrates some modicum of remorse, like my ex did, it's probably a fraction of what it should be.

The thing is, that's all he's capable of. I need to grieve the person I thought I married. I need to accept that taking this fork in the road is a blessing to me. It's not what I thought would happen, but I'm here, firmly rooted in love and joy. When I get that feeling of, "If I only I told him that X really sucked and he should apologize," I remind myself that that's just giving my power away. Even if he apologized, I wouldn't feel any better.

(Sadly, I learned this the hard way. Early on I told him that I wanted him to say something kind on our 20 year anniversary. He said . . . "I'm glad you married me." Excuse me what. "I'm glad you married me so I could cheat on you and abandon you, thanks, let's always remember to center me in every conversation we ever have."  :roll:  It's just a waste of time an energy to think he will understand or respond on an adult level.)

When I feel the urge to find some relief outside of myself, I look inside instead. I tell myself that I am safe. I practice gratitude. I journal. I meditate. I do self-care. He can't provide me any closure . . . if had those kinds of emotional resources, he wouldn't be a dumb cheater to begin with. And ultimately, all the groveling and apologizing in the world can't undo the harm he did. I have to process it and heal it on my own.[/quote]

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