Reply to Way to set up new account to max out annual gifts

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I struggle with this idea.  My kids are teens, so I haven't really put too much thought into this yet, but I worry that I would spoil them in adulthood by gifting them all this money.  In one hand I would say if its a gift, then you give them a check and take the risk they blow it or it demotivates them in their career.  I think my approach would be a matching system.  They have a goal such as save for a house, pay down a debt, or build a nest egg, and I match up to the gift amount each year.  That way there is incentive for them to make the best use of it.[/quote]

Call me when you find a family where this worked well. I can think of one, and they’re all doctors. The parents and the kids. Highly motivated, high achieving, regimented, and inclined to authoritative systems.

Any family where someone actually needs an “incentive” to “make the best use,” it doesn’t work at all and strains relationships.

If you’re using money to try to control your adult children, you’re either forcing them to stay in “child” mode (which we’ve all seen among the adult children of rich people) or they will be seething on the inside or they will have to say “no thank you” and forge their own path. It’s worse for boys.

I’m often in “child mode” with my wealthy parents. It’s corrosive! I manage it okay I think, and I honestly think it helps that I’m a woman and am the caregiver type anyway. Plus clearly, I’m “paid” really well. It’s been harder for my brother. And for some of our cousins, it’s really bad.

Give the money or don’t give the money. Don’t try to use it as a carrot or a stick. It won’t work. [/quote]

Thats why I say its tied to a goal they have, not one that I have.  If they have no goals then there is no discussion about it.

But I also think if I gave all my kids $20k per year each no strings attached and they disrespected me, there would be more relationship strain there,  dont you think?  So it seems better to just not gift anything at all and just let the money flow when I die?[/quote]

Yes, I think it’s better for your case to not give them money and just work on your relationship with them as adults. I think it sounds like it’s already kind of dysfunctional. You’re their mom, you shouldn’t be buying respect for $20k a year. [/quote]

I was the one who said I had teens and struggled with the OPs idea.  This is only hypothetical at this point for me.

I just cant comprehend giving money out like that and not being emotionally tied to it in any way, especially if my child goes down a path of poor choices that I am regularly funding.  Thats why I like the random gift idea.[/quote]

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