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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Yes it can be, depression isn't a permanent 24/7/365 gloom. It's also concerning to have a loved one noting the long list of things you are doing "right or wrong". That relationship may have left her crippled in some way to deal with family doing checklist criticism. [b]You seem hyper judgmental [/b]and you are not seeing her daily.[/quote]

Not OP. This seems incorrect. I think OP cares about her sister. It's not like she is judging her. She is concerned for her sister who doesn't bathe, smells, can't keep a job and wants to date but isn't getting 2nd dates. OP asking for help in this case, to me, is her being caring. But I do agree that it is hard to help someone who doesn't want it.[/quote]

I'm someone who is a lot like OP's sister, although more functional.  I can pull it together for my job, but that pretty much uses all my spoons.

One thing that hurts is when the goalposts move.  If I worked really hard to show up clean, wearing clean well fitting clothing, and someone judged me because my clothes were stretchy (they always are) and I didn't have mascara on (I never have) and my hair wasn't colored (it never has been except once with koolaid for a Halloween costume), then I wouldn't think "Oh, I'll learn how to put on mascara", I'd think WTF is the point?

I think that identifying a couple concrete things, which to me would be showering, and figuring out if there is a medical cause such as depression, thyroid, apnea, for the sleep, is a huge ask.  And focusing on those, and not on all the other peieces, is appropriate.  [/quote]

I relate to this. The problem is OP is mixing in some legitimate concerns with some very superficial ones. And I get it that it's to give us the full picture and she's not necessarily judging (but maybe she is). At my largest I certainly felt like why in the world would I bother to color my hair.[/quote]

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