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[quote=Anonymous]"Diagnosed adhd, messy, stubborn/inflexible, dysfunctional family (but not local)" would not work for me.  ADHD is genetic, and there's a real chance it gets passed on to your kids.  Plus, when you partner and have kids, both have ADHD, you will 100% end up the default parent if you are a woman.  Unless he has a lot of self-awareness and has really learned how to manage his ADHD, as a parent, he will forget things, lose things, show up late, etc.  You may accept those kinds of traits in a high-earning partner, but you said that he's a low earner.  This means he offers you very little as a parenting and financial partner.  I say all this as someone who has ADHD, which is well-managed ADHD (medication plus I've learned a lot of coping strategies over the year through different therapies), and I'm raising a kid with ADHD, and it is hard.  My ADHD kid needs a lot of extra school support.  We do cognitive therapy and have tutors.   At least I'm a high earner and can afford to hire lots of help, including a cleaner, a nanny, an executive functioning coach who is not covered by insurance, and tutors.  My spouse is also very organized and has strong executive functioning skills, and while it's great to have that to offset my weaknesses, there are times when we don't click.  From my perspective, he's controlling and boring.  Someone without ADHD probably wouldn't feel that way about him because he would probably be less controlling with a different partner, and other people would appreciate a structured, repetitive, predictable life that I find boring.  I crave adventure and adrenaline in a way that he can't relate to.  [/quote]

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