Reply to Am I expected to set up my kids’ rooms at STBX’s house?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, is anyone suggesting to you that you have an obligation to make his house more welcoming for your kids so that they want to go there? Is your ex saying this or implying it in some way? Have your kids brought it up? Are family or friends making passive aggressive comments about it?

If so, I get why you might be feeling this pressure, especially if your relationship with him was abusive in any way.

But everyone in the thread, and your lawyer, is correct. Not only does this obligation not exist, but you NEED to stay out of it. If he does nothing to make his house a home for your kids, then he will reap the consequences of that. Your job is to focus on yourself and your kids, make your home what it needs to be to help them through this process, listen to your lawyer, and get your own ducks in a row.

And if anyone is suggesting to you that you owe this to him, distance yourself from that person (unless it's your kids, in which case their confusion is understandable and you should gently explain to them why you cannot help with this even though it is undoubtedly hard for them). This is not a reasonable ask, if it is indeed an ask anyone is making.[/quote]

Yes, his attorney sent my attorney an email earlier this month saying I was being hostile and uncooperative. [/quote]

It's your ex's lawyer what do you expect?  [/quote]

Not sure what I expected, but never in my adult life have I had a paid professional engage in this kind of accusatory name-calling in the course of a legal proceeding. I’ve only worked with attorneys in my own job in negotiations and contracts and this side journey into family law has been shocking. I did not realize that the process would include a grown adult getting paid by my STBX to bully me and that it would be considered perfectly normal.[/quote]

Your naivety is not cute. It’s time to step up and require some more discipline of yourself. Divorce is not pretty.

In your first post you say that your attorney told you to not engage. Yet here you come looking for permission to set up bedrooms in your ex’s home. Stop being shocked and buckle down. Limit any engagement with your spouse to less than five words and run everything through your lawyer. [/quote]

Please re-read. You are making a lot of assumptions that probably reflect your point of view and not what I wrote.  I was not asking for permission. I don’t want to be involved in his stupid house, but am making are that staying uninvolved as I have been is not going to bite me in the butt later. [/quote]

So then why are you paying a lawyer? Seriously. Your lawyer gave you an answer to stay out of it, and yet here you are coming to an anonymous forum. The only reason you would come here is to get permission to go around your lawyer. You didn’t have to say it explicitly. Everyone here can see it. Again, stop with the nonsense. Lay low. Resist your urges to engage with your STBX. Send all communications to and through your attorney. [/quote]

I posted it because there are a lot of intelligent people on dcum who happen to be attorneys or have been divorced before, I can’t afford multiple legal consults to ensure that my attorney is giving me accurate advice every time, and I cannot afford to take every little thought or second guessing or wondering to an attorney who charges a bajillion dollars an hour. Not because I want permission to engage with the person who ruined my life.

If you want to berate someone going through a divorce, start your own thread.[/quote]

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