Reply to Am I expected to set up my kids’ rooms at STBX’s house?

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Reply to "Am I expected to set up my kids’ rooms at STBX’s house?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, is anyone suggesting to you that you have an obligation to make his house more welcoming for your kids so that they want to go there? Is your ex saying this or implying it in some way? Have your kids brought it up? Are family or friends making passive aggressive comments about it?

If so, I get why you might be feeling this pressure, especially if your relationship with him was abusive in any way.

But everyone in the thread, and your lawyer, is correct. Not only does this obligation not exist, but you NEED to stay out of it. If he does nothing to make his house a home for your kids, then he will reap the consequences of that. Your job is to focus on yourself and your kids, make your home what it needs to be to help them through this process, listen to your lawyer, and get your own ducks in a row.

And if anyone is suggesting to you that you owe this to him, distance yourself from that person (unless it's your kids, in which case their confusion is understandable and you should gently explain to them why you cannot help with this even though it is undoubtedly hard for them). This is not a reasonable ask, if it is indeed an ask anyone is making.[/quote]

Yes, his attorney sent my attorney an email earlier this month saying I was being hostile and uncooperative. [/quote]

It's your ex's lawyer what do you expect?  [/quote]

Not sure what I expected, but never in my adult life have I had a paid professional engage in this kind of accusatory name-calling in the course of a legal proceeding. I’ve only worked with attorneys in my own job in negotiations and contracts and this side journey into family law has been shocking. I did not realize that the process would include a grown adult getting paid by my STBX to bully me and that it would be considered perfectly normal.[/quote]

Sadly some divorce lawyers sell the service of harassment and emotional abuse to their clients, many of whom are also abusive. There are divorce attorneys who went into the field precisely because they enjoy doing this. It's not the majority if family lawyers, at all, but it's enough that you have to be wary.

You know his lawyer cannot contact you directly, right? You don't have to be present for most negotiations either, except in cases where the judge may order it. Tell your lawyer you never want to be in a room with the ex or his lawyer. All communication should flow through your attorney. Document any harassing language or behavior. The system does have protections in place to keep you from being harassed by him or his lawyer. You are entitled to them![/quote]

The only reason I saw the communication from his attorney was because my attorney sent it as an “fyi, you’re going to ignore this, I’m dealing with it” update.

Given some other stuff that has happened, my attorney has made it clear that I will never be in a room with my DH unless I have to be if it goes to a final trial. If we do mediation it will be shuttle mediation in separate rooms and I will not be with him nor his attorney. [/quote]

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