Reply to How to deal with teenage a-holery?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Don't give her any money. Turn her out of the house at 18.  Don't pay for her college. Let her fail and learn hard life lessons.

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I can't do this.  The thing is, she says she can't wait until she's 18 and can get away from us and never call or visit us ever again.  But I'm honestly worried that her personality makes it so that she will never be able to be independent on her own or be able to thrive.

There are clearly things she can do to make her life work better, healthy habits and such, but she is 100 percent resistant to any guidance, and then she slips down a slippery slope very quickly. I want to give her the skills to be able to have a decent, balanced life.  [/quote]

As I read your posts, I agree that you should be worried that she will never be able to be on her own.  Thriving sounds like an extremely lofty goal.  Like a PP, I initially thought PDA (didn't jump to autism).  But I also think that she is on the road to a personality disorder.

I would definitely seek an evaluation.  I would consider parent training.  And, I think you need to hang on to your hat.  This could get so much worse given how young she is to be engaging in this level of behavior.

We went through some very serious mental health challenges with my middle child, who also didn't respond to consequences and, even more scary, didn't care if he lived or died or whether people physically hurt him.  We were able to get through this and my son is independent now but it was neither easy nor inexpensive in both time and money.  And, he's almost thriving with the potential to thrive.  But, my goal was to get through it and get him independent.  Thriving dropped off my list.

One last thing.  We were told when my son was a couple of years older than your daughter that if we didn't intervene and really get things turned around, our son would be diagnosed with a personality disorder which is a permanent condition.  I wasn't sure it was even possible to turn it around, but we followed the recommendations of the professionals (which often were tough love and that's really hard) and were able to turn it around.  And, I know it sounds like we the parents put in the effort as opposed to our son.  But in reality that is what happened because my son didn't care.

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