Reply to How to overcome shame and be truthful

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is OP and these responses are helpful, but kind of confirm that there would be a judgement/negative assumptions made if I state I don’t have custody without context.  I mean, I get it, but it sucks.  I don’t think people make negative judgements about men who don’t have custody. [/quote]

I think you are reading negativity into the two posts that offered sample dialogue because you judge yourself. Sending your kids to live with their dad because he could better provide for them at that time is a sound and courageous parenting decision. The unintended consequence has been bad, and perhaps you would have done things differently if you'd known how it would play out, but there's nothing wrong with you having said, "I think my kids are better off with their father right now." I think you have to give yourself grace and absolution before you can feel confident engaging with others. You come across as defensive, even when people aren't judging, because you're still judging yourself. [/quote]

Yes - several people have offered great sample responses you could use that I would not judge. You will have to heal yourself internally and practice being honest and calm as you share more and accept your own imperfections. You may be surprised by how accepting many (even if not all) people are - give yourself this opportunity instead of preemptively deciding people are judging you. Give people the chance to help you and accept you.[/quote]

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