Reply to How did you tell your spouse the marriage is over? Especially if abuse was present??

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Reply to "How did you tell your spouse the marriage is over? Especially if abuse was present??"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Divorce is no joke. Get couples counseling [/quote]

Terrible advice.  There’s no rehabilitation for abuse - do NOT go to couples counseling with an abuser OP.[/quote]

There's not no rehabilitation for abuse. The batterer's intervention program in my area says close to a quarter of their participants don't re-offend by abusing to the point of it being criminal. And statistics show among those who don't get caught up in the system 8-9% can change for real - down to the heart, stopping verbal and emotional abuse.

But less than 1 out of 10 ain't great. Pretty similar to the statistics for substance use disorders.[/quote]
Op does not need to be one of the 9/10. She can, and is, leaving for her safety. Stop trying to encourage unsafe behaviors to women experiencing abuse![/quote]

PP here. I've left my abuser and I didn't tell OP not to do the same. I simply pointed out statistics show there is rehabilitation for some abusers. It's actually not terribly hard to tell if they're really changed. Do they let you take the time and space you need to heal, without pushing, and acknowledge what they've done? Do they sustain that behavior over time, and course correct if they slip into old bad habits?

Which means you have to leave to even know if they're changing, really.[/quote]

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