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[quote=Anonymous]I'm interested in this topic, too. My parents never really cut the cord with their own parents. There was a lot of dysfunction, mostly emotional abuse that stemmed from being raised within a strict, conservative Catholic world where kids are expected to adhere to family rules and never go against mother and father. You OBEY and don't question your parents. The elders never questioned their behavior-- I'm right, you, child, are wrong, and I'll throw a temper tantrum if you "disobey." In other words, their wings were clipped early on so there wasn't any straying too far-- no one went away to college, bought a house far from their parents and no one especially questioned the ingrained values. My siblings and I were the first to "stray"-- we went away to schedule "with permission." In a way, everyone stopped growing/evolving by age 16. It was a scary world and you weren't really expected to make it without family support, especially if you were female. And they gladly pulled out the checkbook to keep you in line (I just didn't see it at the time that those checks came with strings attached. It was the way things were done going back years. The immigrant family acquired a little wealth and knew how to wield it to keep everyone in line).

I look at how DH and I are raising our kids now. We see them as individual people, not just our kids, or worse, extensions of ourselves to parade around and command to do our bidding ("you do this and that and keep quiet and be a little lady and give great aunt and uncle so and so kisses on the cheek because we expect that proper behavior of you!). Another major difference between my upbringing and how we're raising our kids is the focus on religion as the center of everything. Again, a way to control.

Is it worth bringing any of this up to them? Absolutely not. At nearly 80, they see no issue there at all. No use in taking everyone backwards, and who needs to add that to their to-do list as a parent. They see themselves as wonderful people who were never emotionally abusive. You just learn how you'd rather not live your life and what you'd rather not put your own kids through.[/quote]

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