Reply to I want to get away from friend groups/communities with this specific type of woman: where to go?

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Reply to "I want to get away from friend groups/communities with this specific type of woman: where to go?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Ah, yes, the competitive DC sanctimommy. Always first to kiss an ass if there are social points involved, will humblebrag you to death, and frequently "helpful" in ways that are nothing but condescending twattery.

How to avoid: Go somewhere volunteers are expected to perform a meaningful service, not just show off. The PTA is obviously out (PTAs are known mommymartyr showcases). Try sorting clothes at A Wider Circle or serving food at SOME (So Others Might Eat). Don't go anywhere the volunteers are there to specifically help those in leadership/power positions (again, think of the PTA and whose asses are getting kissed). Avoid anywhere that's a photo op, or somewhere volunteers get recognition beyond a simple "thank you".

But honestly? In this area, they're hard to avoid. Your best bet is to learn to ignore, but reserve an ice-cold burn or cut for when they pipe off. Understand that they're going to talk about you anyway and be willing to weaponize it. Calling them out just calls in their flying monkeys. You have to 'bless your heart' them, excessively, in public, in a way that points out what fake-ass nonsense they are full of. Do it right, and they'll start kissing YOUR ass, just to shut you up. [/quote]

OP here and this is insightful advice, especially about volunteer activities that have no chance of resulting in recognition or power -- I'll think about that, I bet I can find something.

I'll have to work on the "bless your heart" attitude -- I am so bad at that kind of thing. Even now I still feel caught off guard by a lot of this behavior and when I encounter it in social settings, my instinct is to just smile and nod and try to find a way out of the room but I think this contributes to making me a target. I need to work on this. What I really want is to just be invisible to these women so they don't think of me at all, but I'm finding it hard because their whole thing is that they are looking for control and dominance and it's hard to escape that, especially at work or any kind of closed community (I've had an easier time avoiding them in more casual environments but there is still one in my neighborhood that is shockingly hard to get away from).[/quote]

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