Reply to Adult Failure to Launch DD Stealing from Me

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][b]Mom of a mid 20s Barista who uses that job (and another part time job) to pay his life expenses while in school.  He is a late starter due to mental health issues.  I say this just to let people know that it is really hard to lose a job as a Barista.  It's not a popular or well paying job and it takes a lot of training to become proficient.  So employers tolerate a lot.  I think it's only fair that other posters realize that OP's child likely does have issues beyond stealing if she can't hold onto a job that is hard to lose.[/b]

As far as what to do, I get that you are angry.  But, if you involve the police, the result will be a police record.  The only thing they can do is press charges for stealing.  And, since you gave her the credit card at some point to use, it's not so clear cut that she did commit a crime.  It will be her word that she had permission to use against yours that she did not.  Even if you are believed, all you do is create a record for her which will follow her for a very long time, if not forever, and make adulting all that much harder for her.

I think those who said to report your card stolen and get a new one are right.  But I'd go further.  Sometimes credit card companies will honor cards that they shut down so I may completely conclude my business relationship with the credit card company or, at the very least, report that there are no other authorized users on the account.  I'd discuss the problem with your credit card company and see exactly what they offer in this regard.

One other thing.  Capital One messages me every single time my credit card is used.  If that service is available to you, I'd opt in.  That way if it's not something you did or authorized, you can stop it immediately and you won't lose the money.  I'm sure other banks have a similar service, but I don't know because I'm a long term Capital One customer.   [/quote]

Then you should have some sympathy for this young adult. My husband has autism and a high IQ. He has a terminal degree, a lot of expertise, and yet he's been let go, politely, from several positions because he struggles with communication and productivity. He turns out a perfect work product. But he's a perfectionist, so it's often late, for example, which doesn't make clients happy, and he doesn't click socially with other people in the office. There are many reasons why someone with issues might find it hard to keep a job.

[b]OP's attitude is disheartening. She sounds like she hates her child. I find that very problematic and probably why the young adult couldn't trust her enough and ended up going behind her back. OP doesn't sound like she's capable of introspection and an objective assessment of her responsibilities here. [/b][/quote]

ANd that's exactly why so many of us had such a strong reaction to her post. Plus she inaccurately described her daughter to make her look like a loser. None of us think stealing from your parents is ok, of course. But even if they did, I dont think many of us would use the same language to malign them the way OP does.[/quote]

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