Reply to Advice for how to vet your DH’s potential as a future father/partner?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Other threads today have me thinking. One person said that you know the kind of partner and father your DH will be based on how their father was when they were growing up. But if you didn’t grow up in the same town, how can you know?[/quote]

No, not how DH grew up, how DH’s father behaves NOW.  That is the future of your DH.  Is the dad a grumpy, stingy misanthrope?  That’s dh’s future.  Is the dad happy and a good partner?  Then DH will be too.  Is the dad financially responsible and stable?  Then most likely DH will be too.[/quote]

OP and the “now” question is a good one.

And it brings me to a major red flag that I’m not sure how I should have managed: from the day I met him, FIL had dementia and it progressed quickly. So he was just not there, even when he was physically present.

In hindsight, was he always like that, even before dementia? Probably. But I didn’t have any way to truly know and it made sense to assume that it was the dementia that sidelined him, not his own choices. I do think that FIL was just as self-sidelined and uninvolved pre-dementia as he was after it developed. But again, hard to look back and know and hard to investigate at the time.

I think I created a really hopeless thread. Sorry.[/quote]
I married into a family with aspergers - fil, bil, husband, his cousins. Fil stopped working at age 50, can’t follow a conversation, is difficult to take to restaurants or new places- total confusion and bewilderment, not so great connecting with the kids or anyone. He’s been like that since I knew him in 2007 onward. And relegated to the sidelines by MIL. He is, however, kind and quick to apologize.

But today, he acts the same and everyone is calling it Old Age.

Denial runs strong.

My spouse and one of two kids have diagnoses. [/quote]

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