Reply to What is wrong with me that I cant shake this feeling?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]To shake that feeling, realize that your potential 3rd kid could have had significant SN which would have made life for your whole family (especially the older 2) much harder and caused you tremendous financial strain.[/quote]

Perhaps you mean well, but what an offensive sentiment. SN children are loved just as much and just as much worth it.[/quote]

DP here. I've definitely had parents tell me they sometimes think they should have stopped sooner, for various reasons, SN among them, mental health challenges, etc. It's an honest and normal feeling. [/quote]

NP who has a child with special needs (first kid). I too had heard parents express regret, especially when the type of special needs is metal health related or their kid had drug or legal problems or for some reason never really fit into their family. I think the point that you don’t know the dynamic another kid will bring to your family. So the grieving is for something in your dreams, which could be far different than what your reality could turn out to be.

Anyway, I think you make peace by realizing that you made some of the choices that got you here (how much to spend on your house, the career you chose, the spouse you chose, the location where you live . . ).  and some of the reasons it didn’t work out are because you weren’t born wealthy or with certain abilities that might have given you a better financial picture. Presumably you made the choices that made the most sense at the time. And that’s all you Could control. Makes no sense to grieve over not being born to different parents. [/quote]

Op - yes - but honestly I could have afforded it. It didn’t feel like it at the time. And the irony being that if I had had a third I wouldn’t probably have had the bandwidth to work as hard as I did [/quote]

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