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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We met and married later in life (me late 30s, him about 50). Thirteen years later, we are divorcing. We have one child, in elementary school. We want to do this without lawyers. There are no disagreements about dividing property, but he is afraid I'm going to take him to the cleaners, which I don't intend to do. Still, I am not sure what is a fair division of our money. He doesn't think I'm entitled to any of his retirement funds, since he had already saved a lot of it (probably most) before we met. He is mid-60s, self-employed, has variable income (not much lately), and no inheritance coming. I am 50, stopped working 18 months ago to care for family, and do expect some inheritance eventually (not f$#%-you money, but maybe around $2M).

Here is what we have:

$670K non-retirement funds between us ($40K mine, $400K his, $230K in a joint account)
About $1.5M retirement funds between us ($285K mine, $1.2M his)

The money conversation is already contentious, because of his fear of losing what he worked for before we met, but he told me to "tell him what I want" as a starting point. I don't even know where to begin. [/quote]

Tell him to document what he had before you met, and prove that it wasn't comingled.  Everything above the amount that he can actually prove was premarital, and he actually kept separate gets split 50/50, including potentially the growth of his retirement account, especially if he kept adding to it.  Between the two of you, you only have $2,155,000, and you have a kid in elementary school?  You both need to be working! You can't not work.  I think a reasonable, ballpark estimate without knowing the facts is that you end up with $750,000 after the divorce because he's able to protect some of his premarital assets.  That is not enough money for a 50-year-old to retire with an elementary school-age child.  He's not going to be able to pay you enough child support to put you above the poverty line if you don't work.

Also, talk to someone about getting Social Security benefits.  Once he starts claiming, even if you are divorced, you can get a spousal share plus money for your child.  [/quote]

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