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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Ok, I went ahead and invited her. Ball is in her court. The irony is she is so much nicer to her other brother and DIL, who has never even checked in with her for a single holiday in the 5 years they have been married, Thanksgiving Easter or Christmas to see if she would like to join them. They simply spend every holiday with her ex husband. [/quote]
Shaking my head. YOU are the problem. Let it go.[/quote]

How am I the problem?
I feel bad for her because she’s absolutely alone with no family or friends and I will put up with her for 4 days so she’s not alone on Christmas. I don’t enjoy her company because she’s not very kind to me but I put up with it because letting a senior stay home alone on Christmas is sad.[/quote] 
You came on a message board asking for advice. By far the majority said drop it and don’t invite her and you responded with “went ahead and invited her” and then complained she doesn’t appreciate you and likes so and so better. 
That’s being a martyr. 
[/quote]

Np - People often give bad, often damaging advice here. Of course she needed to invite her dh’s mother and kids’ grandma, it is the normal, decent thing to do. It’s odd to assume her being difficult there means she does not want to come. She’s just grumpy and set in her ways but nobody is forcing her to come. And yes, sometimes being kind to older family means enduring a bit and it’s ok to complain. Op is still doing the right thing in the long run. People overuse the word martyr to shame women venting about making efforts for the sake of family.[/quote]
If it’s bothering her enough to come post about it on a message board, it’s time to stop letting grumpy grandma ruin her holidays. I will NOT look back in 15 years and be mad at my MIL. I will prioritize my kids and my own happiness because my MIL will never be happy. You only get so many holidays with your kids.  So - I don’t believe it’s the right thing to do. [/quote]

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