Reply to Friendship trouble: clear the air, or just move on?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm sorry but you both (OP and 1st PP) sound a little bit needy. To PP who's friend cancled before dinner - you need to assume the best about them. Maybe they had a fight, maybe they weren't feeling well but if it's not a pattern of behavior have some grace and let it go.

OP - OMG you were crushed that they missed a kids birthday party? Were they the only kids invited?  I assume that your child is relatively young. If I'm correct, you are going to need to grow some thicker skin to navigate middle and high school. Wait until these two kids don't like each other anymore and you have to learn how to separate your friendships from your kids friendships. [/quote]

The opposite. He is 10 and they’ve been friends for 5 years, and several kids were invited but it was a small group.

Here’s the thing: whether or not WE mean more to them or THEY mean more to us totally depends on my friend and what she wants.

My child’s birthday? Not important because they have a class.

Want to come over but I say no because we are busy? She’s upset.

It’s obnoxious and I think typing this out makes me realize that.[/quote]

Ok, I agree. She has high expectations for you but not for herself.[/quote]

Yes! Wow, maybe DCUM is actually helping me today (in addition to therapy).
I told her I couldn’t host her and her boyfriend this weekend and now she’s upset… but she blew me off all summer, including [b]my son’s birthday party, which was really special[/b].[/quote]

To you maybe. And to your son. But birthdays really aren't that big a deal, so getting so upset about it is pretty childish. And yes, I have a lot of friends, a happy marriage, and great kids. But I wouldn't be upset with someone for missing a birthday party. Come on. [/quote]

NP. What are you talking about? Birthday parties are literally one of the most important days for kids. It wasn't just that the friend didn't come, but her daughter, the invited child and friend of birthday child, didn't come either. I had a falling out with one of my kid's friend's moms and never considered for a second blowing off that child's party. And even my flaky "I can't commit to anything for the next 6 months" friend made sure her son made it to my son's small birthday party.[/quote]

What are you talking about? OP is upset that her FRIEND didn't come to the birthday party. No adult wants to go to a child's birthday party. Ever. [/quote]

DP but if you read OP's updates it's clear that a big part of the hurt here is that OP's son considers the friend's DD as one of his best friends, and that it was the collective disappointment of neither of them coming that hurt her. It wasn't OP randomly inviting a childless friend to her son's birthday party, which I agree would be weird to have feelings about.

Part of the issue here is likely that OP felt this friendship was special in part because their kids were also friends. I see this a lot with families (I have an elementary age child) -- there is this very strong desire to have a close family friendship where your kids go to school together and are close and the parents are close. It solves some of the problems of modern parenthood if you have this, and is especially true if you have only children, which it appears OP and her friend do.[/quote]

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