Reply to Discovering Affair 10 Years After The Fact

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You are living in a curated reality that your wife has formed around you. You have been manipulated and lied to thousands of times. Life as you knew it is over.

Prepare to feel every negative emotion, then prepare to feel each of them in combination with three others. As time goes forward you might get a few hours where you don't think about it, you're not getting a break, because the next morning you'll wake up to a new horrid revelation that your brain has recognized and delivered out of your subconscious for you to deal with. Eventually the pain will turn to anger;  revenge fantasies will play one after the other in the shower, washing your hair for a third time because you forgot where you were in your routine.

Your wife will shirk all accountability, she'll be half hearted in her efforts to rebuild and you'll find yourself apologizing for rewritten history that she's practiced so many times that it's become fact all in preparation for this very moment.

As time goes forward you'll think you've made progress and in a few years you might see a picture from 2017 and it'll all come back worse that it feels now. Remember Holden Caulfield? the dizzy spinning feeling he had before his breakdown? That's gonna be you for a year or two.

She won't heal you, she can't and she doesn't want to, get into therapy ASAP with a counselor who can help with betrayal trauma. Circle the financial wagons, join a gym and turn the pain into muscle, buy a boat, take flying lessons, prioritize your health and sanity. Be polite at home, don't lash out, keep quiet and focus on chapter 2.

I'm sorry, this is going to be the most painful chapter in your life but you're gonna be ok. [/quote]

Are you going to be ok? Cuz that is a lot of baggage you are carrying around. Best to put on your own oxygen mask before you try to help others. 
[/quote]

He is telling him how it is and is 100% correct, she now is baggage vs a partner.   He will never know the full story because chaos driven liars manipulate and distort.  She is selfish, not accountable and is incapable of transparency, so love is really off the table.

He did a great job describing reality vs what betraying partners acknowledge of reality.[/quote]

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