Reply to Widower dating again & my adult children are not happy about it.

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "Widower dating again & my adult children are not happy about it."

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m 72. My kids are 35 and 39. I was with my wife for 51 years, and she unexpectedly passed in August 2024.

I told my daughter (34 at the time) in February that I wanted to date, maybe get remarried. She said “mom has been gone only 6 months. I personally think it’s too soon but it’s your life, so do what you want. All I ask is that you don’t talk about your dating life with me because it’s too hard and too soon for me right now”.

I had my daughter and my wife’s sister clear out my wife things in September because I told them it’s time to move on. I told her that I was going to put the house up for sale and that I had no ties here anymore so I plan on moving states away. I reiterated that I wanted to get married again and that if I do, I’ll change my will to include my new wife but that she and her brother will be taken care of.

Fast forward to this day, I asked her to sit down for a chat. I told her that I’m dating someone, have been for 3 months, she’s special to me, and that she needs to respect her. She asked me what I meant. I told her that when she comes around she needs to be pleasant because my girlfriend is terrified of meeting you and your brother (I’m not sure why. I told my girlfriend that my children are not mean). To which my daughter replied that I can do what I want but she’s not ready to meet her. I told her that was rude. She said her not being ready for something and expressing her boundary isn’t rude. I told her I was going to call her brother. She said she knows he’ll feel the exact same way. I told her that this was a defense mechanism and that this will hurt my girlfriend’s feelings. She then told me that if she’s a decent person she will understand and she’ll be fine.

So, I turned to her and asked, “Are you telling me not date anyone and die alone? Should I just pick out a plot in the backyard?”. She said that she never said not to date but that she just isn’t ready and I’m not going to make her feel guilty for not feeling ready. I told her she should feel guilty. She got of her chair, looked at me and said, “Wxcuse me? What an awful thing to say”. She then left.

It’s as if my kids want me to die alone? I told them no one will replace their mother but they don’t seem to get that. Instead, they just seem like brats when it comes to this. What do I do?[/quote]

Your dd actually sounds like a very mature, sensitive and grounded person. She literally told you it's fine for you to date so where do you get the "my kids want me to die alone" part? You want your dd to let you feel and do whatever you want, and she agrees to all of that. Then you don't extend the same respect to her at ALL and want to force her to do things she doesn't want to do and feel ways she doesn't feel. It's completely unfair.

And I'd be very careful with anything financial when it comes to this. There are too many stories of opportunistic younger second wives with greedy kids swooping in and damaging both relationships between first marriage kids AND finances. The harsh reality of this is you've known this woman for 3 months and you are an older, vulnerable man clearly desperate for fast, serious companionship. So you should be careful for everyone's sake, including your own. And your dd is right: the right woman would absolutely understand your kids' reticence over all this and have empathy and patience. So pay close attention to how your girlfriend handles it.[/quote]

There's a chance his girlfriend does understand and have empathy, and OP is the one pushing the relationship on both his GF and his kids.  That's the usual story. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics