Reply to Christmas Stress/Rigidity

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Thanks. I think what's hard is that her wish list consists of things like, pad of paper, scotch tape, cactus stickers, mechanical pencils, etc. Her big gift request is a $50 lego set. We do one Santa gift, a mom gift, a dad gift, brother gives a gift, sister gives a gift, then grandma goes overboard (despite our requests), other grandparents give a gift, all the aunts and uncles give gifts. I don't know how to rein it in. I ask them for something low key (like a paperback book) but then they think that is boring so just buy "a few more" things.

We do usually have her go to her room or sit with the dog in another room to try to regulate - not as a punishment but just as a break if she wants/needs. We all open gifts one at a time, so then the other kids are waiting quite a bit, which is something else I want to address- they will be allowed to keep opening if she needs to take a break.  [/quote]

I'm the mom of an 11yo dd who also has Christmas anxiety-it is so stressful for her! (she is dx asd and also now anxiety). I don't have all the answers, but a few things stood out to me OP in your posts.

-There is just TOO MUCH gifting going on here for her. My dd would melt down if all these people gave her gifts that she was expected to open and fawn over! Is it possible that you and dad give her the gifts she actually wants (the tape and pencils, ect) and then she can go somewhere like her room, and keep her family gifts for later when she could open them privately? Or you could open with her and decide to return or donate, at this later time.
 I know with family, they think 'oh of COURSE Larla wants all this stuff that 'I' want to give her' but really they are not thinking about what Larla's needs are, especially because they are not what other people's are. Yes, grandma and aunts/uncles will probably make stupid remarks about Larla leaving the room-like a few of the comments on this post :/

-all the Stuff-the the busy decor, the things-would send my kid into anxiety. Not saying you should not do these things if they bring your family joy, just make sure dd has a space to be in quiet (like her room or wherever) and that she can go there without judgement from you or snide remarks from grandma. But being expected to Do All The Christmas Things would be really stressful for my dd.

I think OP that you are just going to need to set firm boundaries with the relatives-if dd needs to not participate in extended gift opening, that is what she needs and grandma needs to know that you will protect dd and her needs first. I don't know that you can make them stop gifting unwanted things to her, but you can deal with them in the way that is least stressful to dd.

As to PPs making comments like don't [b]prep your kid, don't baby her-until you witness your normally pleasant dc try to elope on Christmas Eve and attempt to jump out of the car, keep your comments to yourself[/b]!

[/quote]

I’ve done this and more and still say don’t baby her.[/quote]

It is helping your child-with a disability that affects their life every day-learn to self regulate and advocate for their needs.[/quote]

When it becomes inhibitory to their growth it’s not helping them or teaching them anything except how to be anxious and how to depend on mom to survive.[/quote]

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