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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Everything, obviously.

Jokes aside, a big part of this is luck.  I know several families of 3-4 kids where 2-3 grown up kids are well adjusted but one is not.  And that one was different from early on - spirited, sensitive, whatever you call it  Some had some diagnosis and therapy, some didn’t.  Doesn’t matter - some people just can’t deal with life like most other people do.  [/quote]

The key (IMO) is to realize there is something different and get your kid the interventions/therapy/tutoring/etc they need as early as possible.  Basically get the interventions necessary to help your kid become "the best them they can be".

If you ignore the issues, they get worse and many times chances the kid's personality and makes it harder to help them later.  [/quote]

As a parent to a SN and NT child, this is important advice.

I think it's a good thing that a lot of people on here have the common sense to be humble and admit part of it just how the kid was born. OP, your first post trying to quantify is basically a litmus test for parents who are out to lunch. If anyone thinks that their kid turned out well all because of their outstanding parenting that is likely a red flag. Yes, parenting matters, but every single involved, caring parent who really strives to do the right thing and puts in the effort daily has had some struggles with at least one kid and has a big question mark about how that kid will turn out. It's our duty to truly do the best we can and not use the "I tried my best" as empty words, but there are so many other factors.

How are you defining " successful" and "well adjusted?" Do you understand those are not always static? The partner in a law firm finds out her husband is having an affair and becomes depressed and cannot perform at work. Her kids start struggling in school because they cannot handle all the upheaval at home. She gets therapy, takes meds and then finds out her husband is trying to get spousal support and full custody of the kids and things start to spiral and she needs to take a medical leave from work and can barely get out of bed. Is this the result of bad parenting she received as a kid? Is she still a success and well adjusted according to you? Should you judge her at all when she didn't set this into motion?

A guy gets his ivy degree, was a top athlete has a great job and is well liked. The company he works for gets taken over and eventually his job is eliminated. He's middle age and it's hard to be on the job market at his age. His spendy wife does not want to stop spending and the debt accumulates. They have marital problems. His in-laws and parents have various medical emergencies that require trips to visit and lead to arguments with siblings over care and whether it's time for AL. The kids start to act out at school. He's now unemployed, headed for divorce, on the verge of estrangement from his siblings and his kids are having troubles. Is he still your definition of successful? He can barely function from all stress. Is he well-adjusted? Should we now look at his aging parents and blame them for the fact he is falling apart?[/quote]

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