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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm a lawyer and a litigator. I don't do divorce cases... but I am divorced myself.

My suggestion is to ask the lawyers who are recommending litigation what the probable outcome is re alimony, child support, custodial schedule, etc. Ask a few of them. (Your state may be one of the many in which there are child support guidelines.)

After you have an idea of where you're likely to end up if you litigate, mediate. It's much easier to mediate if you know the baseline you're dealing with. For example, the amount of child support my ex offered was WAY below child support guidelines. So, no, I wasn't going to accept his offer. (IMO, there's very rarely a reason to accept a number below your state's child support guidelines.)

Some lawyers who represent people in mediation won't tell them what they are likely to get if they litigate. IMO, not knowing handicaps you.

We litigated--because my ex was totally unreasonable. But ultimately, we settled. And knowing what I'd get if we didn't settle made it much easier to negotiate. For example, I wasn't afraid that if I didn't accept my ex's offer I might end up with less child support because I KNEW the child support guidelines. And once my ex figured out I knew them, he stopped trying to get me to accept a lowball offer.

So, I TOTALLY agree it's better to mediate if you can. But make it seem as if you're willing to litigate if he doesn't accept a mediation agreement more favorable to you than he likes. If his adultery is something that will embarrass him, you're better off using it to negotiate a better deal than filing a complaint that gives grounds for divorce as adultery and names his AP. Once you've done that, you've given up leverage. In the mediation, use his desire to avoid that as a lever to get a better result. He should always think that if he doesn't accept a result more favorable to you than he thinks it should be, you WILL litigate.

I hope that's clear. 1. Find out the likely results of litigation. 2. Mediate, but without waiving the right to litigate if mediation isn't successful. 3. Use his adultery as a bargaining chip, but realize it's worth more in mediation than litigation.

Good luck![/quote]

Thank you very much-makes lot of sense. Any idea on how long the process takes?[/quote]

Even if you mediate, you can and probably should have a lawyer who advises you if there’s custody, alimony, or anything beyond a straight 50-50 split on the table. The mediator gives you an agreement but you need your own counsel to check it.

I had an emotionally abusive mentally ill ex who is still filing litigation after the divorce. But we did mediation. I waited an additional half year probably for him to calm down just to avoid litigation.

Know what your ex wants and what you want to get out of this. If he wants to move on quickly and painlessly, use that to your advantage — he’ll probably pay for it.

You could travel, buy a luxury car or small vacation property etc with the amount you’ll save avoiding litigation. Just get it over with and move on.

[/quote]

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