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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. Thank you for all the suggestions, and I am glad to hear this isn’t completely out of the realm of “normal.” Just a shame for DC to become a quitter at a critical moment in life for college. I just am concerned that DC will live to regret it in a year and a half when friends are applying and getting into college and DC has literally nothing to show personal growth or academic achievement. If they were younger I could insist they go to sports or activities, but now they need to show their own initiative. I am also getting next to no support from DH who also seems ambivalent and won’t take a role or stand and seems to ignore the whole situation. Less activities means the less DH needs to do also.

DC has struggled with anxiety and also some oppositional issues, so perhaps this is yet another way to get control. But the gaming has become a problem and huge time suck. [/quote]

This will sound a bit mean, and I apologize for that up front, but gotta be direct with you: You sound much less worried about the mental health of your child than you are that crew and other commitments will mess up their college future.  Which means you seem not to understand that if your child's going through mental health challenges, they're not going to do well in college anyway because they are struggling with things day to day, possibly even struggling minute to minute.

Get over your extreme focus on college and focus on your child in this immediate moment, do the work to talk to them openly (and NOT judgementally, like "get back up at 4:00am every day or you'll never get into college and will regret this the rest of your life").  Turn off the screaming alarms in your head that you won't be proud of your kid or that your kid will fail, and maybe be quiet and ask sincere curious questions about what DC is feeling, why they are refusing to go to school or do sports, what are they feeling?  Ask if they're struggling and what would help them. Maybe start up front with acknowledging that maybe you didn't give them a chance or space to talk about how they are really feeling, maybe you didn't ask enough questions. Maybe start there and see if you get different responses.

And talk to their school counselor about the issues and ask for advice, and switch therapists or maybe get your own and find out what you may be doing that is making the situation worse instead of better.  Own that as parents we are human, your approach may have been more pressure and oppression instead of liberating and empowering, and you get to try a reset.  You must try a reset.[/quote]

I disagree with you a bit and also disagree with the OPs approach. While I 100% agree with a teen having choice, I think you have to make a as-long-as-you-live-here-rent-free then X and Y must be done.

I've told my teen this. Look, you want freedom to play games? Great you need to actually study and attempt to get Bs and As. Cs appear and we have problems.

Also you need to pick X and Y to try something new. To earn time to play Z. [/quote]

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