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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Would you want your children to sacrifice their marriage and time with their kids for you?  [/quote]

I am caring for an elderly family member right now. It's awful and I have thought about unaliving myself many times. I have been robbed of years with my kids that I cannot get back. I tell my kids I will NEVER do this them and I will never become a burden to them.[/quote]

Been there and its time for a new situation. Those thoughts are not OK and you need to do take action to take care of yourself. Think of it like early stage cancer. Contact the Council on Aging to figure out options. It just gets worse. In my case the parent became unappreciative and verbally and emotionally abusive over time, no dementia, would not stay on calming meds. I had passive suicidal ideation. I wanted me, my husband and kids to all die in a hurricane or something because I knew if it were just me, she would make them miserable with demands. It was beyond needing to read a book, meet a friend for coffee or take a bath. I also fantasized about being as verbally nasty right back to her as she was to me and that would have been considered elder abuse. I needed to take myself out of the equation and manage things behind the scenes. Best decision. The sad thing is I don't like her at all anymore and now I only remember this side of her from childhood. Much harder to remember the better qualities. I care enough to make sure she has excellent people on her care team, but I have lost any affinity for her. I don't want anyone to suffer even strangers so I make sure she has proper care, but she is basically a stranger. Now at least there is more balance, and I am a better mother, spouse and worker and I no longer have a death wish. I sleep better too. [/quote]

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