Reply to NYT Headline “Did Women Ruin the Workplace?”

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I haven't read the article.  Obviously, women should be treated as equals, etc, but I think it is worth asking questions about whether many of feminism's achievements have actually improved things for women.  Arguably, women now have to do everything a man has to do, in addition to everything that women do, and it doesn't seem like this is a good deal.  Men are miserable, women report the lowest levels of happiness in decades, and yet we can't question whether this is all working for us.[/quote]

I think the answer is that men should do more.  I mean, people can decide what’s best for them, but if you have two people working then you can’t rely on one of them for most other tasks, too.[/quote]

It's not even just the tasks. It's all the planning and organizing that they somehow can't see and do not help with. My husband and I split most chores evenly. For example, we switch off weeks of meal planning and cooking meals. So it's split 50:50, and he is quite proud of himself for this. But he seems to think a magical elf manages the pantry and restocks to cooking oil and seasonings, who cleans out the fridge and scrubs the shelves, who wipes down the counters and mops the floor, etc. But if you ask him, he does half the work of feeding our family.[/quote]

It's also the weaponized incompetence, or in the case of my husband the weaponized "not caring." I'll give an example. When we are dividing up who will handle which tasks, my husband will simply declare a lot of tasks that I care about as "unnecessary." A small child's basic (not over the top) birthday party, holiday cards, thank you notes, contributing to the class gift for the teacher, etc. If I list these tasks as things that are on my plate, he will say "so just don't do those things." Like he has magically solved "my problem" for me. [/quote]

So your standards and the things you think "matter" get to dictate? Everything is weaponized these days...

If you're tired and overworked, stop doing it.[/quote]

NP, but it's not about MY standards, it's about the work that goes into maintaining a household, community and relationships, and giving our children memories and traditions. My husband doesn't "care" to stay in touch with his family. But I think he'd agree that he wants his kids to have a relationship with their grandparents. So I arrange the phone calls and the visits, I send the Christmas cards and the thank you notes, and plan the birthday dinners, etc. He cares about the results, but I imagine he would say he doesn't care about "silly" things like thank you cards. Also, while he may not care, I get fussed at by my in-laws about how infrequently they hear from their son.

We all have to do things we don't want to do. I don't "like" exercise, but I do it for my health. Why should men get to just opt out of all the tasks no one wants to do but still need to happen in a happy functioning family?[/quote]

This is all just infused with your subjective opinion of what is "needed" and "functioning". Just stop it. If there's blowback from his family, let him deal with his family. If he cares about the results, let him be responsible for the results. [/quote]

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