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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Ha, I was the second (okay, actually THIRD) wife in this situation. XH likes to start a new family every 10 years.

No, they don’t learn. They act like they do. CH had done years of therapy and knew all the right things to say - took ownership for his failed marriages, acted like a great father, etc.

I don’t know if it’s narcissism, or what, because xH seems like such a nice, great guy. Not in a flashy way, he seems like such a chill and humble man. And he seems to be a good dad. But there’s this weird undercurrent of his kids trying desperately to get his approval, and I know because I felt this strange feeling I needed his approval, too (hence getting married to someone I shouldn’t have). So they all disliked me, but still loved him, and they love our child, which is good.

I don’t know what it is with guys like him. Because he’s absolutely not the stereotype of rich, loud, a-hole, etc. He comes across as a real salt-of-the-earth type. But when you ask for more than bare minimum stuff, he just shuts down and doesn’t respond. It’s bizarre. [/quote]

This is my Dad, right down to the “humble, salt of the earth” vibe. They do it because they can, and because it’s easier than putting in the work. Honestly. I think that’s really all that it is. I used to think that my dad was this super complicated guy who had these great qualities and kind of a dark side at the same time. Now I realize that he just understands to bail when it gets hard and if you have enough resources, everyone around you will pick up the pieces. He has collected numerous wives and kids, and we all still seek his approval because he holds the cards as the patriarch. And no, it’s not about the money, we all just want to have a connection with our father. He knows this, and it imparts a certain kind of power. He understands not to abuse it, but it never has been and never will be a satisfying, reciprocal relationship.[/quote]

This sounds like an ex of mine - we did not marry, but he’s now in his mid 40s and has had a few wives and a couple of sets of kids.  Very rough around the edges and humble, but knew how to engage just enough to keep women hooked, and was really good at manipulating a narrative to make himself look as good as possible.

In reality, it’s probably a personality disorder, but in practice it’s really hard to disentangle yourself from someone who gives you just a taste of validation and always leaves you wanting more.   [/quote]

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