Reply to How to Not Be the MIL who doesn't accept DIL

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here - I would like my kids to marry someone similar to them - college graduates, or professional. She is good looking and seems nice however she has nothing going for her. No college, trade or skill. She's been working for some years in low wage jobs, lives at home and doesn't even own a car. Her family doesn't have much money. Kids' friends in similar situations have figured out how to work and earn enough to buy a car. She knows how to spend though. I'm afraid he'll become a cash cow for her and possibly her family.[/quote]

Thanks for providing more details.  Now we can advise you:  butt the hell out. [/quote]

Ah the traditional gender role posters have arrived. OP, they will tell you if he is a good man he will pay for everything and take care of her in every way and put her feelings, thoughts and opinions ahead of his own. That his role in life is simply to please and worship his wife and his own needs, thoughts, opinions and feelings should never be voiced unless they are to support her. His job is to take on whatever stress and pressure she has so that she lives as stress free as possible, regardless of negative impacts on his physical or mental health. These are his problems to fix without ever allowing them to be present in the marriage. If she has any problems, it is all his fault and he needs to take responsibility for any choice or decision she makes that had a negative consequece. He also needs to continue to acknowledge the mental load of being a woman and how hard it is for women to do things like choose a movie or a restaurant or to make appointments so he needs to anticipate her needs and meet them before she even knows she has them so she doesn't have to have any mental pressures. His role is to fully sacrifice himself to serve her. Unless you agree with them, you will be attacked by these posters. [/quote]

What are you even talking about lol?[/quote]

Just reflecing the views based on posts of about 60% of the posters on here and they tend to be the most aggressive. Those are the views that are expressed the most in any relationship post.  The butt out poster for example - the girlfriend shouldn't need to work or pay for anything or get an education as that is all OPs son's role so that poster thinks MIL is the one with the problem for not thinking that is great![/quote]

I’m the butt out poster and have three married children and one single one who’s in her late 30s and no plans to ever marry.  I am very close to all of them and have an excellent relationship with all of the spouses as well.

I have a very simple rule when it comes to these things:  if your kid has a partner and that partner is good to your kid and your kid is happy and isn’t asking you for money, that’s the end of the story.  If your kid is single and happy and doesn’t ask you for money that’s also the end of the story.   You can’t expect your kids to live exactly as you did or to choose the same partner that you would.

Once your kid is an adult and is independent you have no more right to interfere with their life decisions than you would with any other adult.  Violate that rule at the real risk of ruining your relationship with them irreparably.  [/quote]

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