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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP again: I want the AP away from his life though and thus would be the only way to do it.. don’t water around kids. [/quote]

It's not a good idea. They will either ignore or fire both. They will not fire only the AP.[/quote]

If you divorce you will have no control who is around your kids. Especially the college freshman. Think long game. Right now this person is in the shadows and he won’t bring them around the kids.  You divorce you lose all control. [/quote]

OP: what happens when he asks for divorce?[/quote]

OP again: I am 50, and worry that my ability to cope with the trauma will diminish..I am already struggling seeing him happy and giving me an ice cold shoulder..[/quote]

You need to get your affairs in order, not try to blow up your life further.  Best case scenario his work does nothing about it but now he's pissed at you and makes the divorce that much harder.  It's still a losing situation for you and all you get is that fleeting moment of satisfaction that people at his work know ...and don't care.   Worst case scenario is he gets fired and now you've screwed up financial stuff for your kids.  Again, a losing situation.

As for controlling who your kids are around, you can't.  Especially the one already in college.  They aren't dumb, they'll know their dad cheated.  Hopefully that will be enough for them to want nothing to do with the AP and him.

You're in the anger stage of grief right now, which is totally understandable.   But you have to think long term, and attempting to blow up his life is going to cause so many more issues.    Just get your affairs in order.  Hire a strong lawyer.  Rally your friends around you.   It'll suck but you'll pull through it.   [/quote]

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