Reply to How to deal with an angry and resistant AUDHD teen who also wants to go to college

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[quote=Anonymous]NP. The shame spiral is real, and so harmful.

I can’t say that we necessarily get it right, but I have found it most helpful — by which I mean the least likely to tip DC into shame, while also adding the least friction in our relationship — to discuss everything in terms of what they can learn about themselves. It’s like it’s all an interesting experiment where the goal isn’t any one outcome (this assignment done, or that college, or whatever) but rather to observe and to note what they learn.

If it doesn’t go well, I’ve tried to meet them with warmth and humor, and to find the useful information that *can* be gleaned. There’s always something, and they are more likely to find that nugget when they aren’t shut down.

It’s been helpful for me, too. The truth is nothing is total stakes, everything is “figure-out-able” in one way or another, and life is long.

- everything really can be a learning opportunity, and if you’ve learned something about yourself, that’s a win.

I do think it has lowered the temperature quite a bit. [/quote]

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