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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here - can anyone talk about what is abuse to kids? Is just anger and yelling abuse or is that normal for a DH/dad? I feel like I have normalized things over the past many many years so I am unsure if I’m being dramatic or if it’s abuse. [/quote]

I posted at 8:57. My therapist was very helpful about this. Anger and yelling yes, but more than that. Shaming and unnatural consequences. Unpredictability - she said that everyone gets mad at their kids, but what i am mad about it predictable. When they do x, my kids know that will make me mad, and when I get mad, my kids know what will happen.

With their dad, there was no predictably. The reactions were mood and need to abuse based and could be nothing or severe and terrifying anger. He would look at them in ways designed to intimidate them.

Other things he did common to npd abusers:
- interfered with my relationship with the kids by trying to destroy the bond we had, if I was with them coming into the room arms glaring, constant criticism of my mothering
- threatened kids with instability (he'll quit his job if they don't do x)
- severe punishment 
- ridiculing them and laughing at them for things like misusing a word
- interference with the development of their own unique value system
- age inappropriate disclosure
- neglect of parenting responsibility (would take them to the park but not feed them regular meals, only feeding foods that made it really hard for them to regulate their emotions)
- destroying the sibling relationship (he always had to be in the center, they couldn't choose to play just with each other), pitting them against each other 
- denying that the kids needed supports (son needed ed psych and ex refused)
- was happy and gleeful about unusual things like kids "learning their lesson" losing a valuable item
- unusual religious practices 
- dangerous driving with them in the vehicle "because he's mad and blowing off steam"
- more but thats what comes to mind right now

Understand that abusers adjust what they do to abuse on a person by person basis.[/quote]

I am so sorry for you and your kids. He sounds psychotic.[/quote]

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