Reply to If you held off on divorcing because you didn’t want to lose your home or life as you know it

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Reply to "If you held off on divorcing because you didn’t want to lose your home or life as you know it"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]People have this magical idea that when you get divorced, you have this great sense of freedom and you can finally breathe but the truth is that’s not going to happen with the kids are grown up because coparenting is very stressful. It’s difficult and you’re basically trading one set of problems for another set of problems. Your situation does not sound that bad to me.

I divorced after 10 years but I knew I wanted to divorce immediately so I literally waited 10 years. I did not wait 10 years because of how my life was or because of the house I waited 10 years for the kids would be more independent because I could not leave them alone with him when they were little.

I still don’t feel that free because the coparenting is very intense. Kids have a lot of activities. There’s a lot going on. It’s constant communication so, no, I can’t breathe better I’m counting down until they go to college. That is now eight years away.[/quote]

Maybe your situation wasn’t that bad.  After my divorce, I had to coparent and talk to my ex maybe twice a week.  That was an extremely worthy trade off  for not having to walk on eggshells in your own house 24/7, for being able to see my friends and family, and for getting medical care when I needed to.[/quote]

It was that bad. I moved 6 times in 8 years across three states. I worked full time. I did ALL of the parenting. I was not alllowed to go the grocery store or spend any of my own money despite earning six figures. The emotional abuse was out of control. It was not a marriage. There was zero affection or sex for 7 out of 10 years. Here is the thing: the controlling aspect does not stop after a divorce with an abuser with 50/50 custody. Had I known this, I probably would have stayed. I don't find it easier. It is just as bad in a different way. [/quote]

I’m sorry for your situation but if you knew you wanted divorce immediately and then stuck around and procreated with this fellow, you beed to look inward about your choices.[/quote]

He forced the pregnancy. I said I did not want to. So you can stop judging now. We agreed no kids: he “changed his mind.” I was off the pill for 2 days due to illness.

Sex once years later and never again. I was geographically trapped for eight years could not leave in a different state.

I did not choose to procreate. In fact, I had told my parents right before that I was leaving at the end of the month after the forced encounter wearing me down until I acquiesced, even though I said I did not want to get pregnant. [/quote]

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