Reply to Is there a "good way" to be a vessel for your family members' anxieties?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]There is no way I would be listening to all this drama from a parent as much as it sounds like you are. Of course you need boundaries.

You also might want to look into SPACE to see if you are helping or hurting your kids’ journeys with their own anxieties.[/quote]

Sometimes it helps just to just put her on speakerphone while I do chores or go for a walk.  She likes it better when I don't respond or say anything at all, so I don't even have to talk back to her.   But the sessions are usually at least an hour long, so it is time intensive.[/quote]

I am an anxious person and I think this is a form of interpersonal abuse you should not put up with.

So I agree with PP that if this is a thing you are feeling the need to do for your mother despite the fact that it is exploitative on her part, and you don’t like doing it and wish you could get out of it, which you manifestly do, that may not be best interpreted as a sign of how “anxious” she is.[/quote]

I had put distance between her and me for many years, because it was a difficult relationship for me to manage on top of my daily life.  But now I feel like I am better equipped to have more of an armor with her, and she doesn’t have much time left, and also just feel more compassion for all of the trauma she has had to endure in her early life. She just doesn’t know any better and she’s too old and set in her ways to change.

Her words don’t trigger me as much anymore. I’m 90 percent there. But I do think I need to walk the line and set some minimal boundaries.

Her desire is for me to move in with her, take care of her, take her to all the doctors appointments and basically be her caregiver.  So I feel like this is a compromise I can handle, and comparatively a very small thing I can do for her without giving up my entire life in service for her.[/quote]

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