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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Tell us the topic.[/quote]

OP here. I won't get specific, but she mentions a popular childhood book series she enjoyed. And she relates it back to her own life in a cheesy way. I can't think of a way to make it less cheesy, and I also don't think it relates to her life in a in a helpful or interesting way.

The actual writing/grammar is fine. The college counselor and teacher had her add more personal details, but I think the topic is just really cringey.  [/quote]

That sounds like an age gap talking.  Is it cheesy or just young?  Does it make it believable that she wrote her own essay?

A lot of the recommended essays sound like a kid introspecting way deeper on a topic than they ever would in real life.  They sprinkle in a lot of pretentious b.s. - advanced vocabulary, emotional words, etc.  It looks artful and reads well but is pretty ridiculous when you boil it down.  Somebody on DCUM had AI make a fake one for a fake girl that immigrated from Ukraine, was precocious, had language learning thoughts, then new language learning difficulties, then wanted to be a language major at HYP.  It sounded and flowed really well but had some major logic flaws if you stopped to ponder it.  And at the core it was cheesy though it didn't immediately hit that way.  Real or AI, a lot sound cheesy.  Do you know the state of play?

Maybe this topic isn't off track in context of the competition or in terms of complying with basic tropes of "excellent" essays.

Watch this video and think some more before you comment.

[youtube]https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=IZ3XMOdOdKM[/youtube]
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