Reply to Why the obsession over APs, spying and "catching" DH?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I keep seeing posts about keyboard loggers, voice activated recording, car tracking. If you don't trust your spouse why wouldn't you just divorce already? Why do you need "evidence" and how does that help you?[/quote]

Try to imagine: one day you suddenly feel something is wrong. You aren't sure what. You've been married 15 years and have three children and completely intertwined finances. You ask what's going on and he's evasive or his answers don't make sense.

Would your first move honestly be to go to a divorce lawyer and file for divorce, or would your first move be to try to figure out what's happening? [/quote]

My first move, if I was smart, would be to a therapist to get help with the problem I noticed: my sense that something's wrong, my anxiety about the relationship, etc. If the issue is that I no longer trust my partner, my smartest self would simply validate that and then yes, divorce.

A LOT of people waste a lot of time, energy and resources "trying to figure it out". You may never figure it out, and you probably won't ever know the whole truth until/unless your partner wants to divulge it. What you can know, definitively, is that you no longer trust your partner, and that's enough to base a decision on.

Someone upthread posted about how women don't trust themselves, their intuition, etc. This is how you heal it. You stop requiring outside proof and learn to accept your own wisdom.[/quote]

Neither my therapist nor my psychiatrist believed me when I came to them with my observations about my “anxiety” feelings and my husband’s sudden change in behavior. It took a couple sessions to convince them I wasn’t paranoid/delusional/off my meds. They both asked me what sort of proof I had.
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